Can you believe its 2025?! Wow time sure does fly by when you get to this stage in life. I think I say that every year though...and as I mentioned in last year's January post: when I was 7 or 8 years old, I recall saying to my dad that time was going by quickly, and he responded "that's a sign of getting old Patty". Funny how that memory stuck with me and it's so true.
Do you set goals or make resolutions? I suspect that most of us, by this stage of life are past that. I do like the idea however of a theme or word for the year, something I have done for the past several years and it is usually something I feel I could do better at. The word for 2024 was connection. In that I was going to do better at reaching out to people that...how do I say this...reaching out to people in my life that I know need a phone call. A phone call chat that might be a bit of a downer and leave me feeling a little low or frustrated. I have not been excellent at that this year; a bit better, but there's still room for improvement. Guess what I will continue working at this year: connection?
The part about how those calls made me feel leads me to my 2025 theme. I happened across an Oprah podcast that reminded me of a principle that will make all our lives so much more enjoyable. The interview was with Mel Robbins, a true powerhouse. She wrote The 5 Second Rule, a book that changed my life. It helped me deal with difficult issues immediately, using the 5 second rule, rather than fretting or stewing for days or weeks.
Robbins' new book "Let Them" reminds us of another powerful law. We know this, but it bears refreshing.
There are 3 things we can control:
you can always control what you do or don't do
you can always control what you think
you can always control how you respond to others actions
Absolutely everything else: out of our control. Full disclosure, I have not read the book, but I feel I can benefit from and share the gist of the concept here, after listening to the podcast.
Where I feel this applies is letting go of things that you absolutely cannot control. Easy stuff are things like traffic, lineups in stores, waiting on hold. It is so easy to have your pressure rise as you wait for a checkout person and the elderly lady being served chats away about her day. I was actually in this position on a recent very busy day. I had places to go and things to do and could feel my blood pressure going up. I caught myself and thought "perhaps that is the only chat that lady will have today. I don't know her circumstances". Letting it and the 3-4 extra minutes go was easy and felt good.
Now the not so easy stuff is when the mood or actions of others around you affect you. Mel told a really funny story that I could identify with, involving her son's prom. The kids weren't organized, nor concerned about the weather, the lack of a dinner reservation and more. Mel/mom was crazily trying to fix everything, when her daughter pulled her away and said "let them". In other words, "mom it's not your prom, nor your problem so why are you driving yourself crazy and forcing things they don't care about?". We parents want everything to be our perfect vision. When we have adult kids, why do we care? Hmmm - because they are our kids, and it's hard to let go!
I think the next big challenge is when our loved ones are struggling. I know that when my husband is 'down' or not in a great space it totally affects my mood. But why? I can't change anything except my reaction. The concept is to say to yourself "let them & let me". An example could be "let that kid make his own mistakes" and saying the words "Let me", cues yourself to remember that you only have the power to control your actions and reactions.
Of course this is easier said than done, but so worth pursuing. Taking on all that negative energy, worrying about things we can't change and obsessing over "fixing" someone (haha if only that were possible) sucks at our energy. I know this to be 100% true, and certainly much easier said than done, especially with our children.
It takes a lot of work to manage our emotions and pull ourselves out of that negative space, but with practice it does get easier. Most importantly it is so worthwhile. We aren't helping anyone and we are being detrimental to ourselves.
How do you like this concept? Do you have ideas, tips and tricks that you use to let go. I know I will be trying the "Let Them, Let Me" practice. It may need to be repeated a few times but that's ok....let me be in control of me.
Pat xo
Hey Pat!
Happy New Year to you and yours.
Let Them. Wow, such an easy mindset, but hard for some of us who like to 'fix' things to do in reality. Honestly, I've gotten much better at this concept over the last decade. Or maybe I'm too tired? Who knows, but it's true. We can only control what we can control and the rest is up to everyone else.
So funny/sweet that you carry that little conversation/memory from your dad.